i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
