i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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