Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
