Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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