i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
