Taylor Swift is so right about you.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize