Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
