Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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