You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
