so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
