I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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