I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
