she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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