my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
