My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
