i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
