Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
