My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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