Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize