Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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