whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
