Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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