I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
