do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
