The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
