Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
