My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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