He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
