Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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