yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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