I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
