he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
They have beer where we have blood.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
