Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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