So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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