she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
