you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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