he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
