The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
