WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
