Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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