I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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