got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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