So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
