when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
