I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
