Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
