So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize