if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
