found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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