He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
