So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
