I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
