On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
