His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
