Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
