I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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