when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
