i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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