hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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