did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
