worst night to have a conscience
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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