And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
