I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize