just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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