Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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