aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
