I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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