Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
