I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
