it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Randomize
