I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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