Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
