remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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