we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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