Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
