saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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