I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
