did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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