Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
