Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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