spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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