How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
