I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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