Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
