Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
