Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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