Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
