he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
