My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
