Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
BRING THE BAGELS
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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