no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize