Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
