I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I will be naked everywhere
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
