i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize