whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
