Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Bring me that man meat
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
