Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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