I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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