you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
