do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize