If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
