You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
