In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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