the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
