I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
