He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
