If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I need to align my fucking chakras
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