I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
