K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
