i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
