me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
