i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
