I feel great
I just peed on a car
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize