i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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